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Rant – Santa’s Helpers

Barry: If he did, I’d sure use them!

Rod: I would too. Some of these kids have been awful.

Barry: No, they’ve been dreadful.

Rod: No, they’ve been insane.

Barry: No, they’ve been a howling mob!

Rod: What really gets me are the parents who take the littlest ones to see Santa, knowing they will probably take one look at him and go nuts!

Barry: But if you noticed, Santa knew what to do. He had the parents hand him the little ones where they could not see Santa till the picture was taken.

Rod: That’s true….See, Santa is one sharp dude.

Barry: But he wasn’t sharp enough to realize that we are not, what did they call us, elves.

Rod: I used my pocket communicator and researched elves.

Barry: What did you find out?

Rod: The exact origin of Santa’s elves is hotly debated. The only thing everyone agrees on is that they are his helpers and help build the toys.

Barry: I knew it…slave labor!!!

Rod: They are not slaves!

Barry: Okay, then what do you call working day and night with no pay?

Rod: Us after paying our taxes to the Supreme Overlord.

Barry: Good point.

Rod: Besides, we should be honored that Santa wants us portraying his elves.

Barry: Or we are the only short lifeforms that have come near him.

Rod: Back to the kids, how can Santa give them presents each year?

Barry: He’s afraid of a discrimination lawsuit for discriminating against bad kids?

Rod: No, they clean up their act so that Santa still gives them something.

Barry: Give me an Earth parent’s paddle and I’ll clean up their act.

Rod: Barry!!!

Barry: Just as an attention getter…

Rod: But Barry, if you use violence, you know what the kid may become?

Barry: John Cena’s next tag team partner?

Rod: Here comes another kid. Back to work.


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