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Rant – Star Wars Rewrites


Rod: And what is wrong with rewriting things?

Barry: Apparently nothing. Humans seem to be doing it all the time.

Rod: I know. It seems like all we are getting at the movies and TV are rewrites and retreads.

Barry: What do you mean a retread?

Rod: A retread is an old TV show that someone is trying to revive or update.

Barry: Like Knight Rider last year?

Rod: Yeah and the new pilot I read about yesterday for Hawaii Five-0.

Barry: I heard about that one. I was thinking about trying out for the show.

Rod: You were?

Barry: Yeah, in fact we both ought to. I can see it now, we’ve busted the bad guys and I look at you and say, “Book ’em Roddo.”

Rod: Somehow I just don’t think that is as good as the original.

Barry: Oh well, it was just an idea.

Rod: Anyway, I think I could do a great Star Wars rewrite.

Barry: Why would you when the original is so good?

Rod: Because it is not believable. Luke bad mouths Han’s ship and he doesn’t do anything? Can you see Scotty being like that?

Barry: You’re right about that.

Rod: And the scene when Vader is choking that guy with the Force? The Governor orders him to stop.

Barry: I remember it.

Rod: How can a governor order him to stop when Vader answers to the Emperor only?

Barry: That’s a good point. Hey, maybe you could be in the new version.

Rod: You think I could?

Barry: Yeah! I can see it now. It’s the bar scene when Han is surprised by Greedo, the Bounty Hunter. You could play him.

Rod: HAN? ME?

Barry: No laser brain, Greedo.

Rod: Yeah, I could do that.

Barry: You surprise Han, and you and he have that famous scene, but there would be one problem.

Rod: What’s that?

Barry: If you talk to him like I hear you talking to him in here, Han will probably shoot you with a real blaster.

Rod: How can he do that? Humans don’t have real ones.

Barry: He will.

Rod: How?

Barry: I’ll loan him mine.

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