Rant – Naughty or Nice
Barry: And why do you say it’s baloney?
Rod: Come on, Barry. You’ve got to be kidding me, right?
Barry: No, I’m dead serious. Why do you think it’s baloney?
Rod: Because no human on this rock has any of the powers needed to know if everyone is naughty or nice. It would take a super human.
Barry: And you know that Santa is not a super human because?
Rod: (rapping on Barry’s forehead> Think Barry, THINK! Have you met anyone here that is clairvoyant?
Barry: Not yet, but it doesn’t mean that there is not…..
Rod: And if you haven’t, what are the odds that you will find someone that is?
Barry: There are always possibilities. Why do you believe in flying reindeer?
Rod: Because evolution may have advanced further with reindeer that other lifeforms, giving them the power of flight.
Barry: While the odds are astronomical against that, I’ll give you that one for the time being. But there are other ways Santa can know who’s naughty or nice?
Rod: And how is that?
Barry: Let me show you something <reaches over and types into the computer, bringing up a song lyric>.
Rod: <reading out loud> “….he’s the secret head of the CIA.” Are you trying to tell me that it’s a government conspiracy?
Barry: No, but I’m saying that if he can make reindeer fly, he could be a master spy.
Rod: A master spy, dressed in a red suit and a beard? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Barry: He could have agents anywhere. Read this line.
Rod: <reading out loud> “Where’s Rudolph? He’s on a stakeout at your house.”
Barry: That’s right, he could be outside watching us right now.
Rod: A master spy in a red suit, with reindeer as spies? Barry, you are too much.
<Outside, a furry figure with antlers wearing a headset is talking>
Rudolph: Light Bulb to Red Suit….Light Bulb to Red Suit……Boss, you have GOT to check these guys out!
Quoted song lyrics are from “Santa Claus is Watching You” by Ray Stevens