Rant – Santa’s Helpers
Barry: If he did, I’d sure use them!
Rod: I would too. Some of these kids have been awful.
Barry: No, they’ve been dreadful.
Rod: No, they’ve been insane.
Barry: No, they’ve been a howling mob!
Rod: What really gets me are the parents who take the littlest ones to see Santa, knowing they will probably take one look at him and go nuts!
Barry: But if you noticed, Santa knew what to do. He had the parents hand him the little ones where they could not see Santa till the picture was taken.
Rod: That’s true….See, Santa is one sharp dude.
Barry: But he wasn’t sharp enough to realize that we are not, what did they call us, elves.
Rod: I used my pocket communicator and researched elves.
Barry: What did you find out?
Rod: The exact origin of Santa’s elves is hotly debated. The only thing everyone agrees on is that they are his helpers and help build the toys.
Barry: I knew it…slave labor!!!
Rod: They are not slaves!
Barry: Okay, then what do you call working day and night with no pay?
Rod: Us after paying our taxes to the Supreme Overlord.
Barry: Good point.
Rod: Besides, we should be honored that Santa wants us portraying his elves.
Barry: Or we are the only short lifeforms that have come near him.
Rod: Back to the kids, how can Santa give them presents each year?
Barry: He’s afraid of a discrimination lawsuit for discriminating against bad kids?
Rod: No, they clean up their act so that Santa still gives them something.
Barry: Give me an Earth parent’s paddle and I’ll clean up their act.
Rod: Barry!!!
Barry: Just as an attention getter…
Rod: But Barry, if you use violence, you know what the kid may become?
Barry: John Cena’s next tag team partner?
Rod: Here comes another kid. Back to work.